Category Archives: Body Mind Spirit

Rock and View

In my last post, I described my initial yearning to be with God during my two night hermitage at Pacem in Terris. I wanted to be still and simply rest in my heavenly Father’s presence.

St John the Beloved hermitage insideThe inside of the hermitage encouraged my yearning. The large rocking chair helped me slowly rock my anxious thoughts away and enter into a time of quiet rest. Windows covered the whole east wall and the view, though not stunning, was calm and serene. The many trees were stripped of leaves and dappled with snow. In the distance I could see portions of a small snow-covered lake. The view invited me to be at peace.

I spent time simple rocking, reflecting, and reading scripture. I also was feeling blessed and  meditated on a favorite psalm, 103.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name.

Later the Psalmist writes.

Who satisfies you with good as long as you live,
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. v5

I reflected on the down-to-earth satisfaction of being open to God’s Spirit. I prayed for all who seek satisfaction in our world. I prayed for my family, my congregation and the world, that we might be satisfied in God’s gracious love.

I went to bed early and slept well. I rose before dawn, observing the slowly brightening sky. I rocked as I watched the sky turn shades of red and magenta as the sun lifted over the horizon. What a simple yet profound joy to watch the sun give light and life to our world. That east window gave me perspective on my life.

Tahuya River near my father’s cabin

Years ago, my dad bought a small piece of property on the Tahuya River (really more of a creek than a river) in an isolated section of Washington state. Every week-end he would drive the thirty miles to the property where he constructed his own cabin in the woods. I had started seminary at the time; he was about the age I am now. He constructed the cabin without power tools, mixing the cement by hand with water from the river. It was a plain A-frame cabin, with few frills. He spent years building it.

I visited the cabin only three to four times during the time he owned it. I never slept in it; my dad rarely did either. One thing it seemed to lack in my memory were any large windows. I remember it as a dark, dreary place – though I also remember how satisfied and content my father was when he visited it. It was his place of rest.

We each need places of rest and restoration, though each of us may discover different places that suit our personality. I know that if I should ever build a cabin in the woods it will need windows and lots of them.

Where do you find your window on the world?

Lord Jesus, open the windows of my heart that I might see you.

Being the Beloved

Some people have an idealized image of their pastor as a person of automatic piety and prayer. They like to believe that their pastors are always walking with God, constantly filled with love of God and neighbor. But if one talks with a pastor for any length of time, one discovers that he or she is human, filled with flaws, failings and foibles. Yet hopefully, she also know where to go for restoration.

After a busy and emotionally draining season of church work, I knew my own flaws, failings and foibles were rising close to the surface. Fortunately my 12 step spirituality group had schedule a Step Eleven Retreat: “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out.” We had chosen to spend 1-2 days at Pacem in Terris where each of us would spend time in our individual tiny cabin called a hermitage.

Like anything new, I approached the retreat somewhat awkwardly, wondering if I had brought enough clothing for the sub-zero or enough reading material. It turned out I had plenty of each.

My Hermitage for two days

My hermitage for two days

The staff warmly welcomed me at the central house, gave me a brief orientation (“this is a place to rest your body, soul and spirit, so if your body needs a nap take it.”) and then took me out to my hermitage. Laura presented me with a basket of bread, cheese and fruit, showed me how to operate the gas burner for tea and how to light the sole gas lantern for light at night. Then she left me to be alone with God.

St. John the Beloved signEach hermitage is named after a saint, and mine was St. John the Beloved. I took that name to heart and read from John’s Gospel and I John, relishing the promise of God’s love

But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God, John 1:12

See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. I John 3:1

I reflected on a piece of mission statement I wrote nearly twenty years ago

Created in the image of God,
baptized into the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ,
and empowered by the Holy Spirit,
I am a child of God,

In our culture, even the church culture, our value is often determined by what we produce: what have I accomplished, achieved and acquired. Yet in God’s economy, our value rests solely in being his child.

What a valuable reminder to rest in that promise.

When or where have you spent time alone with God?

Lord Jesus, thank you that I am your beloved.

Next post: Inside the little cabin in the woods.

New Year’s Run and Devotional

My running group had a New Year’s Day run, even though the temperature was -5 degrees at the start.

Bundled Warm for a 4 mile run

Bundled Warm for a 4 mile run

Here is the devotional we shared together prior to our run.

Mark 1:1  The beginning of the good news of Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

Today is the beginning of a new year.   Recently I was reading in Mark’s gospel and I was struck by this opening sentence.  It is the Beginning of the good news of Jesus Christ.  Now that may not be so profound, because it is the start of the gospel.  But on the other hand, there is no final statement in the book that says, the End of the gospel.   Only the beginning is mentioned.  This reflects our relationship as a reader of the Gospel and as a disciple of Jesus Christ.  We have a beginning in our relationship with Jesus, but we don’t have a finish line.  We are continually growing, running, moving, becoming the person Jesus created us to be.  God is not finished with me yet.  And that is truly Good News.  

Prayer:   Lord Jesus, in our relationship with you, we are closer to the starting line than the finish line.  Throughout 2014 increase our trust in you, so that we can run, and leap and rejoice in your love for us.  May our spirits hunger for you each day and may we find ways to serve you as we serve one another.  Guide us as we run today, in Jesus name. AMEN

Afterwards, we enjoyed some pancakes and conversation. 

Enjoying the warmth inside Resurrection Lutheran Church

Enjoying the warmth inside Resurrection Lutheran Church

How are you starting your New Year?

Four Lessons for Joyful Habits

Today I reached 100.

100 days of consecutive running.

Grandma's 06 smile

During this streak I learned four lessons about healthy habits.

Turn disappointment towards joy

I used as motivation the disappointment I felt last September when I was unable to register for the Boston Marathon. (Read more here. )

My disappointment was the initial start to my running streak, but I knew that such motivation could only take me so far. I knew that I had to have an interior attitude of joy and thanksgiving towards running and NOT simply a “I should do this” attitude. Almost anyone can start a healthy habit or discipline; it is staying the course when the mind/body/spirit begins to resist the habit for a variety of reasons: “I am too busy with work” or “I don’t feel like running today” or “The weather outside is too cold.”

Focus on joy of the habit

527355_10150757438158830_723953829_9331133_942278610_nFor me, running has been a source of joy, especially when I am dealing with stress or disappointment. I enjoy the movement through space (especially if it is outdoors along a scenic trail) or the camaraderie I experience running with friends. I know that not all runs will be filled with joy or endorphins, but many will be.  I need to lace up my shoes and start running to discover if it will happen.

Keep the habit simple and flexible

My running streak did not require me to run huge miles every day. I needed to do at least a mile, but once I got started I usually did more. I averaged 4.1 miles per day.

I also kept it flexible. I originally thought I would do all my running outdoors, but in early December we had some nasty ice and cold so I joined a local gym and did my running on a treadmill. It was not my first choice, but I prefer to be safe and steady.  I still go outdoors when the weather permits.

The joy flows into other areas.

Learning to Pray Anew

Rolling into Prayer

I have discovered that my best time to run is early in the morning. Then afterwards, I allow the joy to flow into my time of prayer and meditation. I have created a small holy space in my home where I have my Bible and devotional reading so that I can easily shift gears and focus my mind on my life of faith in Christ. I am learning to be silent and still, listening for God’s still quiet voice (I Kings 19:12).

I recognize that someday this running streak will end, but for now it has been a healthy habit that bring joy to my body/mind/spirit.

What habit brings you joy?

Lord Jesus, guide me into habits that honor you.

Dealing with Disappointment

2014_boston_registration_newsWednesday was not a good day for me.  I received the following email from Boston Athletic Association.

Thank you for submitting your application for entry into the 2014 Boston Marathon. Regrettably, we are unable to accept your application due to field size limitations and the large number of applications we received from Qualified runners.

Name of Applicant

Gender

Age on 4-21-2014

Submitted Qualifying Time

John Keller

M

60

3:53:54

Entries from applicants in your age group were accepted through and including the time 3:53:22.

So I missed the cutoff by 32 seconds. (This new cut-off was due to the large number of registrations for next year’s marathon after the bombing in 2013.  In a normal year, I probably could have registered without any problem, since the standard Boston Qualifying time for my age group is 3:55:00. I wrote about this dream in a previous post: Marathon Dreams

Needless to say I was disappointed.  Ever since I completed my first marathon in 1999, I have had a goal of running Boston.   It is the oldest and most prestigious marathon in the country. The very act of qualifying is a challenge.  A runners needs to run a marathon under the qualifying time within 18 months of Boston.  I did qualify in 2005 but a running injury kept me from running in 2006.  I was able to re-qualify in 2012, but as it turns out, not quite fast enough.

I felt  sad and dejected on Wednesday as Boston slipped again beyond my reach.  I felt anger at the circumstances that prevented me from accomplishing my goal.  I wondered if I had the mental, physical and spiritual reserves to go through the rigorous training necessary for me to run another qualifying marathon, in hopes of running Boston in 2015.

But I also took time to reflect about my “attachment” to Boston.  Perhaps I have over invested emotional and spiritual value into a simple race.  I have been reading, Anthony De Mello’s Awareness. He states that we are programmed by social conventions to think that our happiness is dependent on outward circumstances.

When we were young, we were programmed to unhappiness. They taught us in order to be happy you need money, success, a beautiful or handsome partner in life, a good job, friendship, spirituality, God — you name it.  Unless you get these things, you’re not going to be happy, we were told. Now, that is what I call an attachment. An attachment is a belief that without something you are not going to be happy.  Once you get convinced of that — and it gets into your subconscious it gets stamped into the roots of our being — you are finished. (P 134)

I am coming to realize that my fixation on Boston may not be healthy for my overall spiritual health.  It can become an idol that distracts me from my true calling to seek after Jesus.

let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith,  Hebrews 12: 1-2.

 I may or may not train for another marathon. If I do, it will be because I enjoy the challenge and rigor of training in the moment.  The goal is to be alive today, not obsessed about some future achievement.

How have you dealt with disappointment in your life?

Lord Jesus, you have been, are and forever shall be the real prize.

 

The Forgiveness Blessing

In my last post, The Forgiveness Challenge, I wrote about the misunderstandings regarding our ability to forgive others. Forgiveness is not condoning what someone has done to us. In fact part of forgiveness is to acknowledge how I have been hurt by the actions of another.

Forgiveness does not mean that trust, love or friendship will automatically be restored. I can forgive someone and still avoid situations where the person who harmed me might repeat the action. An example is a wife whose husband is abusive to her and her children. She can for forgive his actions, but needs to physically remove herself from the relationship to avoid future abuse.

God's Hand of Blessing

God’s Hand of Blessing

So then, what is forgiveness and its blessing?

The blessing is that the one forgiving is able to let go of the heavy burden of resentment, anger and desire for retribution. She releases the anger and resentment toward the person who wronged her  so that she can continue a vibrant life of faith and love. Forgiveness frees the person who forgives, regardless of what happens to the person forgiven.

The opposite of forgiveness is to bear a grudge, to carry an ongoing memory of the hurt/wrong and to seek some form of retribution. “I have been hurt and I want someone to pay for it!”  The grudge may come from a tragic one time incident (like a horrible automobile accident) or from countless encounters (such as a co-worker who is constantly using verbal put-downs). The grudge becomes a burden that weighs on our hearts and minds. It grows as we feed it more resentments and negative thoughts and in time the grudge can absorb our whole life. What a blessing to lay that burden down.

heavy-burdenThe best way to lay that burden down is a three-fold path.

First, recognize that the resentment and anger has become a toxic burden that is destroying your life.

Second, pray that God will give you the ability to forgive and give up the burden. Jesus promised, “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

Third, pray for the one who hurt you and for God’s power and love to surround them. Visualize them as a child of God, broken and flawed, but still loved. Jesus said, “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” (Matt 5:44).

This is a process that takes time. Rarely is it one fervent prayer and all resentment is gone. Rather forgiveness is like a muscle that needs to be activated and exercised regularly. No wonder Jesus place it in the center of the Lord’s Prayer, “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive the sins of others” (Luke 11:4).

When and how has forgiveness been a blessing to you?

Lord Jesus, continually teach us to forgive one another.

The Forgiveness Challenge

Earlier this spring I wrote on the difficulty one can face in forgiving others. In the Lord’s Prayer we ask God to forgive us as we forgive the sins of others. Jesus’ parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18: 23-35 sharply contrast the forgiving heart of a king (God) and the unforgiving servant (us?).

forgiveness log 2Prior to the parable Peter asked Jesus, “If my brother sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Peter probably thought he was being generous with offering seven times. Jesus blows Peter’s generosity out of the water when he responds, “Not seven times, but seventy times seven.” Forgiveness is not a transaction that one tracks but a lifestyle to embrace.

Still there is much misunderstanding around the concept of forgiveness. I want to highlight three of them.

First, forgiveness does not condone a wrong action as being “okay” or good. If a co-worker steals your idea and takes credit for it, that action is wrong. Forgiving the person does not mean that what the person did is now okay. In fact, it may be necessary to confront the person and tell him or her that you were hurt by the behavior and that your trust is broken. To forgive such an act means that you will not continue to hold a grudge or resentment towards them.

Second, forgiveness does not mean that you will automatically trust the person again. If a coworker has a history of stealing ideas means that you will probably not be sharing new creative ideas with them, even if you forgive them. This is particularly true in family settings where a spouse has been abusive (emotionally, verbally or physically). You may forgive your spouse, but you may also need to separate from your spouse if the behavior has not changed.

Third, forgiveness often requires the spirit of courageous love. I live in Minnesota where we promote a culture of “being nice.” “Minnesota Nice” has many advantages ( who wants to be cooped up over a long winter with argumentative, disrespectful coworkers or family members). However Minnesota Nice can often lead to situations where people are smiling on the outside, but holding all kinds of grudges and resentments on the inside. They often discuss these resentments with everyone but the offending party. Healthy Christians will not let the resentment build and build, but rather acknowledge their internal conflict and confront the issue and/or person as needed.

Such confrontations can be done in love and mercy. The resurrected Jesus confronted Peter after his three denials when they met on the beach in John 21. I remember when a good friend confronted me over some selfish behavior that I once exhibited on a road trip. He made sure to do it in private and to give me space and time to respond.

In my next post I will explore the blessings of forgiveness.

How has forgiveness challenged or changed your life?

Lord Jesus, teach me to forgive as you forgive.

Superior Hiking Trail – Day Two

On day two of my hike I awoke to clear skies.  I climbed out of my tiny new tent and prepared a breakfast of granola, mocha and an energy bar.  By 6:30 I was on the trail and climbing onto Blueberry Ridge.   I was feeling strong and prepared to push my limits.  “Perhaps a twenty-mile hike today,” I thought.

IMG_20130529_090022_559By midmorning I was hiking  upstream along the west bank of Split Rock River in sunshine.  There are many cascades and falls along this section so I stopped several times to soak in the view.

IMG_20130529_095152_488I reached the bridge that crossed the river before noon, pausing to take a few pictures.  The trail continued back downstream beside the river for a mile or two and then turned east.   I stopped for several trail mix snack breaks.

As I climbed another ridge I spotted the Split Rock Lighthouse for the first time. By now I was starting to feel fatigued and wondered if my twenty-mile goal was such a great idea.  My ankle was sore and my back was tightening up as well.   I still had miles go to reach a campsite, so I picked up the pack and pushed on.   Along this section of trail, I passed four other backpackers heading west. They would be the final people I would see on the trail during my trip.

The trail guide describes this 11 mile section,

SHT croppedThere are many steep ascents and descents that take one through a wide variety of forests – much birch, maple, and aspen as well as impressive stands of cedars and white pines. The section also traverses part of the Merrill Grade, one of the historic logging railroads. Many sections of the SHT traverse long ridges of table rock, or follow long outcroppings which form walls for the SHT.

In other words, it was a lot of up, down, up, down, up, down sort of hiking.  I took a long lunch break in a pine forest, lying on a bed of moss.  A short nap ensued.

When I started hiking again, I knew I faced a choice.  I could try to push it to Beaver River campsites which would give me 19 miles or I could call it a day when I reached Fault Line Creek campsite at 14 miles.  There were no other campsites in between.

IMG_20130530_063237_398I reached Fault Line about 4:30 in the afternoon.  Even though it sat by a beaver pond, it was not a very scenic campsite.  There was still plenty of sunlight and even at a slow 1.5 mile/hour  pace I could have reached Beaver River by 8:00 pm, plenty of time to set up camp.

During the day I had sung, On Eagle’s Wings and remembered the verse, but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31).  I noted that waiting on the Lord came before the renewal of strength.

So I decided not to push on.   I listened to my body for once.   With my fatigue, it was much easier to stumble and fall, causing possible injury. I pitched my tent at Fault Line.

That night it rained.

Superior Hiking Trail – Day One

Last week I hiked a portion of the Superior Hiking trail. Castle Danger, north of Two Harbors, was my launch point. The sky was a milky grey as I lifted my pack from the back of the car. For the first time I had packed an umbrella and I wondered if I would need to use it within the first mile.

The climb to the first ridge was steep but soon I was at ridgeline and I had my first glimpse of Lake Superior. With the grey sky it was hard to discern the horizon and the water. Large ore ships convinced me it truly was the Great Lake. As I moved along the ridge, I passed two backpackers and their dog, headed down to the parking lot. What I remember was that they had new gear; even the dog had a new pack. They were the only other backpackers I saw that day.

With the late start I soon stopped for my lunch of cheese, tortillas and trail mix. The view was superb, especially as the sun poked through some of the overcast. I felt confident and energetic after lunch, pushing the pace to see if I might make 15 miles before calling it a day.

IMG_20130528_153743_452I dropped off the ridge and started following the west bank of the Gooseberry River. There were plenty of down trees that lay across the path and several wet, muddy stretches, but overall the trail was clear and easy to follow.

As I neared Highway 61 and the popular Gooseberry Falls State Park, I saw several day hikers. Once I left the park, the trail was quiet and isolated again. I climbed a new ridge and followed the trail through pine and birch forests towards Split Rock river. As late afternoon approached I knew that 15 miles was beyond my reach; my left ankle was sore along with overall fatigue. I decided Blueberry Hill would be my campsite.

Blueberry Hill CampsiteAs I set up camp, I took time to sit and be thankful. I was so excited to be on the trail again, that I hadn’t taken time to thank God for marvels of the day: the beauty and wonder along the trail, the physical ability to walk 11 miles, the food that sustain my body, the small bits of equipment that constituted my home and the many volunteers who created and maintain the trail. A psalm came to mind,

Bless the LORD, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the Pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good as long as you live so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. Psalm 103:1-5

I went to bed thankful and wondering what day two would bring.

Running After Boston

Boston CupYesterday’s bombing at the Boston Marathon had repercussions throughout America, especially within running communities. The Boston Marathon is the most prestigious marathon in our country. Many marathon runners yearn to run it; I have had it as a running goal for more than a decade.  My office coffee cup is a gift from a running buddy who ran Boston eleven years ago.  Last fall at Twin Cities Marathon, I was finally able to qualify for Boston in 2014.

Yesterday I was tracking on-line my friends Mike Johnson and Dan Foster as they ran the marathon. (Runners carry a timing chip which charts their progress as they cross timing mats along the course.) Mike and Dan were moving along the course nicely. It was cool spring day, a good day for running. Dan finished the race in 3:28:57, a great time on a challenging course. Mike was further back; his training for the marathon had suffered from a variety of issues. I noted that he had complete 40K in 4:25:47 and was less than 2 miles from the finish. This was at 2:46 pm.

When the bombs went off, Mike was only a half mile from the finish. Here is what he wrote on his Facebook page

I was about a half mile from the finish when everyone ahead of me was stopped. The spectators around us said they heard two explosions near the finish line area. I asked the spectator that first told us about the explosion if I could use his phone and I was able to connect with Zanny (his wife) right away. I am so glad I was able to do that so she wouldn’t worry.

Later Mike was able to reconnect with Dan and both are now recovering: physically, emotionally and spiritually. Like so many in the world, Mike and Dan are praying for those victims who were injured or killed in this terrible event. Events like this show us the depth of human sin and wickedness and push us to reflect on life’s meaning.

I remember writing to my running friends the day after the 9/11 attacks that I planned to run that day. On the day of the attacks I was too upset to run, but I decided that I could not let the terrorists “win a disruptive victory” and deny me the routine of solace and prayer. I ran that day praying for those who had died, praying for the responders and leaders, praying for our nation, and even praying for the terrorists who cause such evil. After all Jesus said, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).

I plan a similar run today (though it will be more a walk due to my sprained ankle). I will reflect on ways that I can be God’s agent of peace, hope and love for the world. The tragedy of Boston places a media spotlight on the evil that human beings can cause (as well as the tremendous response of dedicated care from first responders). Yet this tragedy will not turn me away from the ultimate source of hope and renewal: Jesus Christ. His cross and resurrection is the paradigm through which I see all such tragedy. Even when humanity killed God’s Son, God brought new life: the resurrection.

In the fall I plan to register for Boston, train and run it next April. I am confident that officials will find ways to improve security, though no one can make it absolutely safe. At the start the marathon will have a moment of silence to remember those killed and injured. Then the race will start and runners will do what they do: run. I plan to be one of them.