“I Hold My Life Up to You Now”

Years ago a friend and spiritual mentor introduced me to Ted Loder’s book of prayers called, Guerrillas of Grace: Prayers for the Battle.  Ted Loder is a retired United Methodist pastor who has written several book and has a semi-active blog here.   Below is Ted’s prayer for New Year’s Day is titled “I Hold My Life Up to You Now.”  His last petition is my prayer for the coming year.


Patient God,
the clock struck midnight
and I partied with a strange sadness in my heart,
confusion in my mind.
Now I ask you to gather me
for I realize
the storms of time have scattered me,
the furies of the year past have driven me,
many sorrows have scarred me,
many accomplishments have disappointed me,
much activity has wearied me,
and fear has spooked me into a hundred hiding places,
one of which is pretended gaiety.

I am sick of a string of “have-a-nice-day’s.”
What I want is passionate days, wondrous days, dangerous days,
blessed days, surprising days.
What I want is you!

Patient God,
this day teeters on the edge of waiting and things seem to slip away from me,
as though everything is only a memory and memory is capricious
Help me not to let my life slip away from me.
O God, I hold up my life to you now,
as much as I can, as high as I can, in this mysterious reach called prayer.
Come close, lest I wobble and fall short.
It is not days or years I seek from you,
not infinity and enormity,
but small things and moments and awareness,
awareness that you are in what I am
and in what I have been indifferent to.

It is not new time,
but new eyes, new heart I seek,
and you.

6 thoughts on ““I Hold My Life Up to You Now”

  1. Bette Forberg

    Thank you for sharing this. I can’t think of anyone who can’t pray this from the depth of their heart on most days. We all are so human!

    1. Pastor John Keller Post author

      Bette, yes we are all so human, but we can also take heart and hope in the fact that God became human to redeem us. The prayer of a contrite heart will not be turned away. Blessings.

  2. opreach

    Thank you for sharing this wonderful prayer. I, too, have enjoyed Ted Loder’s book and have used his prayers on occasion. Happy New Year! Pat

  3. cleaunz

    So many lines, in this, held me in thought, nodding in agreement and even. one or two. making me chuckle – I do not think a prayer has ever made me chuckle. Will have a look at more from him! Thank you.


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