Author Archives: John Keller

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About John Keller

I am a retired Lutheran pastor whose intention is to consent to God's gracious presence and actions within.

The Serenity of the Serenity Prayer

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The Serenity Prayer begins with three requests:  the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

When I first prayed this prayer, I wondered if the order should not be changed.  I wanted the courage to act, to move, to change things.  I sought the power to DO God’s will and to ACT in God’s name.  Should not courage come first?

Serenity in Winter

Serenity in Winter

Instead the prayer starts with the serenity to accept things that cannot be change, to be at peace with the way things are before any changes come.  Four years ago I wrote about the Serenity Prayer and the challenges of accepting Minnesota winters.  The weather is definitely something I cannot change (though I can change where I live).

The weather is not the only thing I cannot change.  On a more profound level – and where I think AA and Al-Anon see the prayers connection to their program – I cannot change other people’s behavior or attitudes.  Oh, I can love and care for, cajole and advise other people.  But I cannot change them.   A spouse or parent is unable to change the addictive behavior of a loved one.  A family intervention might help a spouse or child seek rehab but ultimately the alcoholic or addict must seek healing for themselves.

Backpack Tent 2014

I carry a one man tent when backpacking

But it does not need to be as dramatic as alcoholism.  In marriage, husbands and wives need to able to love, accept and support each other as they are.  When I first married Carolyn, I thought I could change her to share my love of backpacking.  I thought that I simply had to get her in the right setting and she would see the light.  I was wrong.  Though we both enjoy day hikes and the beauty of God’s creation, she does not share my fascination with sleeping on the ground in sweaty clothes after eating dehydrated gruel.   At the same time, she has come to accept that she will not expunge my fascination with carrying a forty pound pack up and down trails for days on end. Instead we accept each other as we are while enjoying the passions we share.

One passion that Carolyn and I share is our love for our grandchildren.

One passion that Carolyn and I share is our love for our grandchildren.

The prayer uses the word serenity as the heart of this acceptance.  Serenity is NOT the grit-your-teeth-and-bear-it attitude, but rather the calm, internal state of mind that sees reality for what it is: reality.  I remember experiencing such serenity when my father died twenty years ago.  He had contracted pancreatic cancer and then had a debilitating stroke.  When I sat by his bedside during his final hours, I felt sadness that the father I loved was dying, but also serenity that this was his reality. I could not change it.

To develop such serenity takes practice.   We may have moments of instant serenity, but to have consistent serenity takes the practice of prayer and meditation. Saint Paul connected prayer and peace.

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:6-7)

How have you experience serenity?

Lord Jesus, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

Serenity Prayer: Intro

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For the past two and half years I have participated in a clergy spirituality group.  The six of us meet each Thursday morning for conversation and prayer.  We started out with an adaptation of the The Twelve Steps used by Alcoholic Anonymous and other recovery groups.

downloadOur first book was a kind of spiritual workbook titled: The Twelve Steps: A Spiritual Journey,  A Working Guide for Healing Based on Biblical Teachings by RPI Publishing, 2012.  Though we have moved on  in our reading to other books (that I might highlight in other blogs), we continue to use some parts of the The Twelve Steps.  The book included questions for personal reflection based on the 12 steps and a format to guide our group conversation.  It was a helpful book to start our group.  What I appreciated was that we ended each meeting praying together the full Serenity Prayer:

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the different.
Living one day at a time
enjoying one moment at a time,
accepting hardship as the pathway to peace;
taking as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with you forever in the next.  Amen

Reinhold Niebuhr

Reinhold Niebuhr

This prayer is attributed to the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, though he was taping into older Christian and other wisdom traditions that shaped this prayer.  As the above Wikipedia link shows, the prayer had oral roots back to the early 1930’s, but was not formally published until that 1940’s.

The prayer strikes a deep resonates in me, especially as we use it in our group.   We pray the Lord’s Prayer to open the meeting (often with a few minutes of silent meditation) to bring focus.  The Serenity Prayer has become a kind of ritual and blessing that brings closure and hope as our group concludes its meeting.   I find great comfort in such simple rituals.

Lately I have been feeling tugged to explore the spiritual depth of this prayer.  I plan to write reflections on the Prayer and what certain words or phrases mean for me.  I admit that this will be highly individualistic; not everyone will agree with my insights.  Yet hopefully it will spark your desire to pray this prayer or other prayer as part of your life in Christ.

What written prayers are shaping your spiritual life?

Christ Jesus, grant me the courage to pray with hope and utter trust in you.

The Lap of God

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Nearly forty years ago my wife-to-be introduced me to an image of God that has shaped my life ever since.  She wrote me a letter in which she described how God as king invited me into his great heavenly throne room. She described the room as filled with the beauty and wonder fit for a king and how at first I felt overwhelmed.  God then encouraged me to come right up to the throne (like a small child approaching his beloved parent).  With great love and warmth, God’s mighty arms picked me up and placed me on his lap, where I am safe, warmed and filled with love.

I think of that image each Christmas when we read from the beginning of John’s gospel and the coming of the Word of God, Jesus.

But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God, (John 1:12)

Madonna and JesusI also imagine the inverse of the image when I read the Christmas story of Luke, when Jesus is wrapped in clothes and laid in a manger.  I don’t think the infant Jesus spent all his time lying in that manger.  Like any proud parent, Jesus was held in the lap of Mary and Joseph.   Not only are we invited to sit in God’s lap, but God invites us to hold his son when we hold a child of God in love.  As Jesus reminded his followers in his parable from Matthew 25,  And the king will answer them, “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’

The image blazed with light again this past Sunday when I worshiped with my son and daughter-in-law at Christ Presbyterian Church.  Their evening service, called the Table, normally has communion, but for the fourth Sunday in Advent they had a candle lighting ritual instead.   On the platform steps there were placed over a hundred small votive candles and lighting sticks.  We were invited to come forward and light a candle as a sign that we are “waiting” for our savior.   I lit a candle with the rest of the family, but I noticed that my son did not return to the pew afterwards.  A few moments later my wife nudged me and pointed to the candles.  My son had returned to the sanctuary with our 2-year-old grandson, Jack.  My son was helping Jack light a candle.   Afterwards he and Jack came back to the pew and Jack opened his arms for me to hold him.  As we sang a Christmas carol of Emmanuel, God with Us, I felt tears of joy and grace fill my eyes and flow down my cheek.   I was being held in the lap of God, even as I was embraced by a tiny child of God.  O the wonder of God’s grace.

My wife Carolyn and I hold in our laps two children of God, Grace and Jack.

My wife Carolyn and I hold in our laps two children of God, Grace and Jack.

May you be held by the love of God in this Christmas season.

Movie “Unbroken” Broke

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unbroken-cover_customLast night I saw an early screening of  Unbroken  The movie is based on Laura Hillenbrand’s 2010 book, Unbroken, A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience and Redemption, which is a biography of Louis Zamperini.   I was enthralled with the book; the movie left me disappointed.

Louis Zamperini’s life (he died July, 2014) is worthy of a Hollywood movie. There are at least four parts to his story: Olympic runner, sea survivalist, prisoner-or-war, and redeemed hero.   The movie focuses on the middle two parts, briefly tells the first with flashbacks, but ignores the story of his redemption.

ZamperinniBorn in 1917 Louis was the son of Italian immigrants and bullied as a child since his family spoke no English.  His older brother got him involved in track as a way to keep him from trouble and Louie excelled.  He set the national high school record in the mile in 1934 and was the youngest American Olympic competitor ever in the 5000 meters during the Berlin Olympics in 1936.  Though finishing with a huge kick on the final lap, Louis placed eighth.   As stated in the movie his bigger goal was to run and medal in the 1940 Tokyo Olympics.

The second and third part of Louis’ story centered on his war experiences as a bombardier in the Pacific.  Here the movie shines, opening with amazing flying scenes of a B-24 in combat.  Louis’ plane later crashed and the story morphs into a sea survival story of 47 days, a record. We see Louis’ indomitable spirit as well as his desperate cry for God’s help.

keyart2The movie morphs again when Louis’ is captured by the Japanese and held in various prisoner-of-war camps.  A particularly brutal guard (nicknamed “The Bird”) tormented Louis in vicious ways.  The climax of the movie is a confrontation between Louis and “The Bird” that whole camp stops to watch.   In a contest of wills, Louie wins.  Shortly afterwards the war ends and Louie returns home.

Here is where the movie utterly fails.   The movie gives only a couple of postscript descriptions of Zamperini’s life,  stating that he suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder and had a faith conversion that helped him to forgive.  Such a brief treatment is totally inadequate. By his own admission, his heroic life crumbled when he returned home. His dream of Olympic glory had been crushed and he was plagued by nightmares. He became a bitter alcoholic.

Here was the true climax in Louis’ life.  As described in Hillenbrand’s biography, he attended an early Billy Graham crusade in 1949 and had a Christian conversion.    That transformed his life, both his past and future.   His new trust in Jesus is a critical lens for understanding his life and the Coen brothers’ script glosses over it.

I received the tickets for the advance viewing from Grace Hill Media.  They are a PR and marketing firm originally “established to reach an enormous and underserved population – religious America.”  They were reaching out to pastors in hope we would use video clips and sermon outlines that Grace Hill Media provided as a way to promote the movie.    After reading the book I can see why they thought that pastors might be good candidates for the movie.  Unfortunately I cannot recommend it since  the movie Unbroken has broken ending.

Lap Sitting

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Yesterday was my mother’s 89th birthday.  She has been a resident in a memory care unit at the Woodbury Health Care Center for the past three years. We celebrated with cake, flowers and great-grandchildren. Moms 89 bday

Like many adult children with aging parents, I struggle how to best honor and love my mother at this stage of her life. Due to her many falls and dementia, my wife and I cannot take care of her at home.  Earlier in her life, when her dementia was just beginning, my siblings and I tried to talk with her about what living arrangements she would want as the disease progressed.  Like many in her generation, she did not want to discuss those issues, so my siblings and I did our best to find places that could care for her in a loving, humane way.

Now the dementia has progressed to the point where she no longer knows my name or relationship to her.  She cannot hold a conversation.  But she still smiles when I approach her and call her name.  She likes to have her hands rubbed and her arm stroked. She will occasionally look at pictures of her family. We can sing Happy Birthday together. She enjoys cake and ice cream.

Mom and GracePerhaps the greatest joy for her yesterday was holding her newest great-grandchild, Grace.  Mom did not fully comprehend who Grace was.  She could not say her name.  Yet I felt God’s grace surrounding her and us as she held her great-granddaughter.  Love flowed from each.

As I reflect on the moment, I take great hope in the knowledge that God is holding my mom in his lap.  And God is holding me and you as well.  We may not fully realize who we are as children of God, but God fully knows and cares.  God loves holds us even when we forget God’s name.  Someday God will call my mom (and me and you) home and only then will we fully know whose we are.

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13:12-13

Lord Jesus, hold me as your own.

Super Slow Mo Moments

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I often want to rush through things, get to the good stuff.  But such rushing often causes unnecessary pain.   I have discovered that slowing down helps.  Even in training to run a race.

iStock_000016821441SmallA marathon takes a lot of time.   Not only the weeks and months of training, but the actual event takes anywhere from 3-6 hours to run.   Most runners would like to go faster, finish quicker.

But what if we just slowed down.  At least for a moment.

My running friend, Bob Timmons, connected to me a beautiful video from last month’s Twin Cities Marathon that does just that.   A friend of Bob, Ben Gavin, who works for the St. Paul Pioneer Press, shot a series of super slow motion clips that he titled Extraordinary Human Beings in Slow Motion at the Twin Cities Marathon Finish Line

What struck me in the video is that it expresses a central truth not only about the marathon, but also about life.   Life, like a marathon, is not one thing, but an incredible series of moments that are strung together.  The trick is to stay in the moment, in the now, and not worrying about the future or obsessing about the past.  Each moment is a moment of beauty.  Some days we need to slow down to see it.

As the Psalmist wrote, “This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

Lord Jesus, teach me to walk with you, moment by moment.

Let God Lead With Generosity

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Transitions are tough.  To move to a new town is challenging for us.  To start a new job and to learn new work habits and culture adds to the difficulty.  Yet thousands of people do it every year.  My wife and I did it when we married and moved to St. Paul from Kansas City so that I could start seminary.  I helped my daughter Christina move to Austin, Texas, so she could begin her first teaching job. With patience, wisdom and perseverance people transition to a new life.

The people of Israel had a difficult transition as they entered the Promise land of Canaan.  They had been nomadic sheep and goat herders in their wandering in the wilderness.  Moses, before he died, had a final word from God. In the book of Deuteronomy he instructed the people on how they were to act once they transition to farming.   

grain in basket    When you have come into the land that the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance to possess, and you possess it, and settle in it,  you shall take some of the first of all the fruit of the ground, which you harvest from the land that the Lord your God is giving you, and you shall put it in a basket and go to the place that the Lord your God will choose as a dwelling for his name.
And you shall say, “The Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, with a terrifying display of power, and with signs and wonders;  and he brought us into this place and gave us this land, a land flowing with milk and honey.  So now I bring the first of the fruit of the ground that you, O Lord, have given me.” You shall set it down before the Lord your God and bow down before the Lord your God. Deuteronomy 26:1-2, 8-10

This was the offering of first fruits.  God was teaching the people to practice generosity in their daily living.  The first-fruit generosity was stated as the expectation of God for his people as a response to God’s generosity in giving them the land they now settled and farmed.  Notice why they gave. It was not a payment in order to earn God’s favor.  Rather it was a thankful response to what God had already given to them.

The practice of generous giving is one that our contemporary society can embrace.  Our congregation witnessed such generosity when Inez Oehlke donated her farm buildings and land to the congregation when she transition out of the farm house.   We are ever grateful for her example of generosity.

The Oehlke farm house remains on church property

The Oehlke farm house remains on church property

The practice reminds us to open our hearts and minds towards God’s gracious gifts towards us.  It reminds us that God has given us not only the created world and all its produce, but has given us new life in his Son, Jesus Christ.  God is generous and gracious towards us; can we not be generous toward God’s ministry in the world?

When have you recognized a gift of generosity towards yourself?   When have you practiced generosity?

Lord Jesus, teach to me practice generosity towards others.

A New Place of Wonder on the PCT

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Writing this blog, I realize what a geological snob I am.  I have lived in Minnesota for over 40 years (including my first year of life) and yet it still seems too flat to me.  I know rolling terrain exists, that hills and ravines are scattered throughout the state.  The thousands of lakes and tens of thousands of pond add wondrous geography to our map.  Still I yearn for mountains and the wonder they ignite in my soul.

Hiking towards Mt. Adams

Hiking towards Mt. Adams

I had seen Mt. Adams in southern Washington from a distance, but had never hiked near it.  Mt. Rainier, Mt. Baker, and Mt. St. Helens tend to get the trail guide publicity.  However being 12, 281 feet high, it is the second highest peak in the state.  The Pacific Crest Trail approaches Mt. Adams from the southwest and then skirts around the peak at about the 6000 foot level, right along timberline.  Unlike my hike around Glacier Peak the year before (where I had to climb up and over several ridges) the trail remain at a fairly steady elevation.

IMG_20140821_144122_781

The one disappointment was the big burn area that I hiked through for more than six miles.  A forest fire two years ago destroyed several square miles of forest.  Intellectually I understand that such fires are necessary for the long-term health of the ecosystem.  Still I felt grief and lost that the beautiful subalpine forest (which takes decades to re-grow) would not be replenished in my life-time.   The good news was that new green life was already taking a foothold on the landscape.

 

On my third night I camped near Sheep Lake.

Mt Adams from Sheep Lake

Mt Adams from Sheep Lake

As the sun slowly sank behind some clouds, the alpine glow on Mt. Adams held me transfixed.  Even as the temperature dropped, I soaked in the splendor.  As the glow faded, I watched the stars come out.

Mt Adams at SunsetThe next morning I packed up and continued around the peak. Mid-morning I moved off the trail and up a small hill where I could dry my tent, wet from the morning frost.  As I meditated on the beauty around me, I watched two hikers pass by.  One looked to a long-distant hiker with his long beard, skinny pack and frame.  He asked his companion, “Do you know the name of this mountain here?”  I was shocked that he could hike hundreds of miles and not know the name of most prominent feature for dozens of miles.  Not that the name is critical for appreciation of beauty.  Still some through-hikers seemed so obsessed with their daily mileage goals, that they were oblivious to the wonder around them.

Killen Creek

Killen Creek

Later that morning, after crossing Killen Creek, the PCT took a turn to the norht and I started back down into the forest.  It was a bittersweet moment as I left the beauty of the high alpine meadows.  There are trails that circumnavigates Mt. Adams and I may be adding them to my future hikes.  Even though it is not the highest mountain in Washington, it is still one of the most magical.

Where have you experienced wonder?

Lord Jesus, thank you for the capacity for wonder and awe.

PCT Reflection – Playing Hide and Seek with Mt. Rainier

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States have notable geographical landmarks.  New York has Niagara Falls.  Minnesota has 10,000 lakes.  Arizona has the Grand Canyon.  Florida has the Everglades.  And Washington has Mt. Rainier.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/erinkohlenbergphoto/5464033068/

When my father bought a lot outside of Bremerton, Washington, he made sure that our house took full advantage of our view.   The house sat on a hill overlooking an inlet of the Puget Sound.  On a clear day, Mt. Rainier rose on the horizon like the top of giant ice cream cone.  Granted, clear weather comes at premium in Western Washington with the weeks of grey, low clouds obscuring all mountain vision.  Yet when the clouds cleared, the mountain was always there, sunlight gleaming off the multiple glaciers.   In high school and college, I remember sitting on our deck, transfixed by the magenta alpine glow on Mt. Rainier at sunset.

When I decided to do the southern section of the PCT this summer, I deliberately chose to hike from south to north for the explicit reason of hiking towards Mt. Rainier.   Though I would be hiking near Mt. Hood and Mt. St. Helens, and directly beneath Mt. Adams,  my heart and eyes were focused on Mt. Rainier.   And I was not disappointed.

First Glimpse of Mt. Rainier from Mt. Adams on the PCT

First Glimpse of Mt. Rainier from Mt. Adams on the PCT

As mentioned in my previous post, my first two and half days were mostly in the forest.  But on my third day, as I climbed the ridges surrounding Mt. Adams, I caught my first glimpse of Mt. Rainier.   For the next four days I played a game of hide and seek, wondering where the next view would come. There were several from Mt. Adams, but the best view of Rainier came when I entered the Goat Rocks Wilderness Area.  Though the haze and midday sun made photography difficult, I made sure my final  lunch stop included a Rainier view.

Last Day Lunch Stop

Last Day Lunch Stop

After such splendid views, I started to think again about hiking The Wonderland Trail.  Its 93 miles circumnavigates the mountain and offers many elevation challenges as one hike up and over the many ridges that radiate out from the peak.  Due to its popularity, access is limited to a kind of lottery system in reserving backcountry campsites.  But now I am convinces it would be worth the gamble.

I often use Mt. Rainier as part of guided meditation prayer that helps me stay grounded in Christ.  Also I sing a song based on Psalm 46.  “Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised.  In the city of our God, in the mountain of his holiest, beautiful for situation, the joy of the whole earth – is Mt. Zion on the side of the north, the city of the great king.”  From an early age, I have associated Mt. Zion with Mt. Rainier, both places of beauty, elevation and holiness.  And I know the mountain has brought me much joy.

Lord Jesus, thank you for the holy places in our lives.

PCT Day 1and 2: Seeing the Forest for the Trees

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I confess: I am a biased hiker. The high alpine country above timberline is where I prefer to hike.  The sweeping vista of snow-capped peaks and the dazzling array of alpine flowers strike the sweet spot in my backpacking experience.  I was exposed to this as a young child, making the annual family trek from sea level to ski level on the seventeen mile road from Port Angeles to Hurricane Ridge.  The Olympic Mountains remain spectacular in my humble opinion.

Hurricane Ridge in Olympic National Park

Hurricane Ridge in Olympic National Park

 

Start of the trail

Start of the trail

Still to reach timberline, one often needs to hike through timber.  This was the case in August when I hike my third section of the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT) in southern Washington.  The trail is aptly named in that it seeks to follow the crest line of the Cascade Mountains of Oregon and Washington.  Often the crest is above tree line, but not always.

For this portion of the PCT I decided to skip the first forty miles as it climbs through the thick forest of the Columbia River Gorge (the border of Washington and Oregon).  I started just south of the Indian Heaven Wilderness where a forest service road crossed the trail.  After my brother Robert snapped my picture, I plunged into the forest.

IMG_20140821_105737_776 (2)

I soon discovered that the wilderness area named Indian Heaven is not my personal vision of heaven.  Though dotted with dozens of small lakes, the trail was all below timberline.  Occasionally the trail climbed a small ridge where one could glimpse some of the distant peaks.  But mostly, for the first two and half days and 35 miles, I walked through a multi-green tunnel.

As I hiked through the forest, I explored my mental bias.  I recognized that forest hiking is part of long distant hiking.  Just as in life, one cannot always choose the surroundings one may prefer.  I also discovered that forest walking is a great place to practice both intercessory prayer and mindfulness.  As I walked I prayed for my family, friends and for my congregation.  I used a simple prayer of compassion.  For example, my prayer for Resurrection Lutheran Church was

May Resurrection be filled with loving kindness.
May Resurrection be filled with peace.
May Resurrection be strong and vibrant
May Resurrection live as children of God.

I would repeat the prayer several dozen times, as I breathed in and out.  A peace and purpose came with the prayer.

IMG_20140822_162010_988I also practiced mindfulness, dwelling in the present moment, experiencing each footfall and each touch of my trekking poles.  I try not to race ahead mentally to when I would reach the high country.  Rather let this moment in the forest be my experience.

It was not easy.   My mind still likes to jump around, bouncing from one habitual thought to the next.  Yet the more I practice, the more I see the reward of simply being in the moment, even when surrounded by a green tunnel.  And truly God is in the forest valley as much as the high country.

I was reminded of Psalm 1 as I hiked:

Happy are those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or take the path that sinners tread, or sit in the seat of scoffers;  but their delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law they meditate day and night.  They are like trees planted by streams of water, which yield their fruit in its season, and their leaves do not wither. In all that they do, they prosper.

An abandoned saddle resting in a trail-side tree

An abandoned saddle resting in a trail-side tree

And if one keeps one’s eyes and mind alert, strange sights can be encountered.   One can imagine all kinds of story on how a saddle ended up in a tree.

 

Lord Jesus, keep me alert to your constant presence.

 

Next, Reaching High Country.